Why shouldn’t your child be forced to share his toys with others?

Some mothers think that getting young children to share is one of the values ​​that should be instilled at an early age, but should children be forced to share their possessions with others? Does this establish the values ​​of cooperation and generosity, or does it have aspects that would negatively affect the child’s personality and psyche?

What happens when forced?

A child learns how to meet his own needs in his early years. The concepts of sharing are too complex for him to understand, because the young child has not yet developed the skill of empathy, and he cannot see things from another child’s perspective, so forcing the child to participate does not give him learning social skills, instead, he may send “forced” Many negative messages that the mother does not want to send, and may actually lead to an increase in the number of times the child throws a tantrum.

Remember the Positive Printing Solutions initiative (Positive parenting solutions) Some of the wrong messages that “forced” sends to children, including:

• Crying and screaming loudly helps to get what he wants.
• The mother is responsible for who gets the toy for example, and when he gets it.
• A child should always stop playing to give the game to another child, just because that child wants it now.

Why shouldn’t they be forced?

Monitoring the site “Sleeping Showdby Easy” (Sleeping should be easyThere are a number of main reasons why young children should not be forced to participate, including:

• immersed in play: Children should not be forced to stop playing while they are engaged, just because another child wants the same thing.
• Conversion of participation into punishment: Children may think that sharing is a good thing when they take the initiative, while if the child is forced to share with others, they will think that it is a kind of punishment rather than a good deed and endearing value.

• Giving up their property: Young children fail to understand that sharing means they will get their things back. And while the mother believes that allowing another child to play with his favorite toy for a few minutes is not annoying and not worth the anger, the child believes that he is expected to hand over something that belongs to another child forever.
• Inability to resolve social conflicts: One of the negative aspects of coercive participation is that it deprives the child of the ability to resolve his own social conflicts with other children.
• They will not be able to control their impulses: Young children do not have any impulse control. So, if they feel like playing with their toy and are forced to give it to another child, they start screaming and crying. And it will become a normal thing, and a means of pressure on the mother in all other matters.

What do you do in return?

Instead of forcing the child to share his things with others, the mother can teach him the values ​​of cooperation and participation in different and more effective ways, and among those methods mentioned by the “Very well family” website:

• Provide him with the necessary tools and an example: Instead of forcing the child to participate, they can be given the tools to deal with conflicts. The goal is for the child to notice when another child wants a role in the game, and how we coordinate those roles.
  This happens through the child’s imitation of his mother’s behavior, her ability to show the value of cooperation, participation and patience in front of her child, and most importantly training him to use appropriate words and language to resolve situations with other children without conflict or anger.

• Teaching life skills: A mother may go a long way in teaching her child important life skills by teaching him to use appropriate words, defend himself, and deal with other children, and if she achieves this, she will not need to interfere in organizing play roles or forcing her child to share his toys with others.

• Encouraging self-regulation: The child should be able to play freely, feel good about their experience, and then be given the opportunity to give up the game when it is finished. This method encourages organization, self-discipline, and the ability to feel fulfilled and satisfied. This enhances confidence in himself and others and teaches him how to be patient and take turns, which later helps him deal with more emotionally complex situations as he gets older.

• Encouraging turn-taking: It is one of the most effective ways to deal with more than one child who wants the same thing. Since team play is not possible with all games, it would be a good idea to train children to take turns in case they all want the same game. And the child can use the game for 5 minutes, then give it to the other child and then return it to him again. In that case, the child knows that the game will come back to him eventually, and again and again he will prefer to participate.

• Letting the children decide how to play together: Some mothers of two children of about the same age prefer to bring two similar toys to prevent any problems or conflicts that may occur, especially with their children’s refusal to participate. But it is better to provide only one toy, because the limited number of toys means that children are forced to take turns, are likely to appreciate and take care of them better, and even learn patience to take turns and share.